I have a bone to pick with relationship coaches and people who teach the energetics of divine feminine and masculine…

Because these teachings leave a lot of women (and some men) in vulnerable positions, with perfect conditions to experience manipulation, abuse and general mistreatment for much longer periods.

I promise, it’s not meant with hate, but more as an observation of what can be done differently.

I speak from experience, both as a coach to clients who went through it and personal experience.

My ADHD brain needed some time to recognise this pattern and see the bigger picture.

When you dig underneath, the basis of a lot of the teachings is that:

• The problems you have in relationships are because you’re doing x, y, z and you’re being in your masculine energy, you’re emasculating your partner and of course, he is behaving the way he is because he is responding to your energy
• If you step into your divine feminine, if you pull back, if you establish boundaries, he will automatically assume his position of the divine masculine, step forward and step up and take initiative

Except that’s not how it works all the time, in real life, when you’re dealing with abusive, manipulative people, people with narcissistic tendencies.
Or people who don’t have the same level of emotional maturity.

⚡️ You can keep going into your divine feminine energy until the cows come home.

⚡️ You can keep advocating for yourself, setting boundaries, and doing all of that stuff on your side.

But things will not change unless your partner has the same level of emotional intelligence to be able to do his (or her) part.

I am an advocate of taking personal responsibility, I love energy work, I love the concepts of divine feminine and masculine (even if I’m not fully a fan of the terms).

Yes to the universe of limitless possibilities and yes to things working out in my favour.

AND… Also, we live in the 3D world, the physical world, and other people have their own consciousness and their own free will.

There are some things that are simply out of our hands. And that’s ok.
The sooner we accept that, the better.

We are still as powerful at being the creators of our own destiny, our future and our own abundance.

Here is where relationship coaches and people teaching the polarity energetics fail their audiences.

📌 They don’t teach their audiences to recognise the signs of abuse or the signs of manipulative partners.

📌 They don’t give disclaimers that their teachings do not apply in those circumstances.

📌 They do not encourage their audiences to evaluate whether their partners are the kind of people who will be able to do so or not.

Even if they do give those disclaimers to their clients, even if they are can guide their clients to recognise their partner is not going to change – it is simply not enough.

Not enough people are financially able to be coached by them.

These disclaimers and teachings need to be interwoven into the free and paid content.

Otherwise, we are putting those who are most vulnerable in toxic situations of trying to fix a relationship with someone who is not capable or willing to work with them.

And we risk them getting trapped in these dynamics for years on end.

I know this because, over the past 5 years, I’ve spoken to many women who found themselves in these kinds of dynamics. Whether they were my clients, industry peers or friends.

I know this because I’ve been there myself. (I won’t go into details at this moment).

I can already hear this argument coming…

Everyone has to take personal responsibility when they consume content or buy courses.

People need to trust their intuition.

Yes. AND… people (most often women) who are in toxic marriages and relationships, living with manipulators and abusers are a more vulnerable demographic.

In these situations, they’ve more often than not been gaslit for years. Their confidence is shot.

These are highly intelligent women, empathetic, high-achievers and go-getters.

But their intuition has been skewed because they’ve been living with the person who made them doubt their every decision, their every thought. They’ve been made to believe everything is always their fault.

When they take radical personal responsibility, they are unknowingly taking responsibility for the other person too.

They sacrifice themselves, push themselves to burnout and depression trying to change things for the better (that will never come).

This is why I’ve stopped talking about the divine masculine and feminine energy in absolutes and why I often give disclaimers.

This is why I am so vocal about the topics of manipulation, boundaries, abuse & patriarchy… Why I talk about divorce and separation as much.

This is what drove me to coach high-achieving women who are contemplating divorce/separation or are already planning to take steps towards it.

Here is where I will end it…

If you’re a coach who teaches the divine feminine and masculine energies, if you’re a love/relationship coach – my ask is that you also teach people how to recognise they’re in an unhealthy relationship. To recognise in which situations your teachings do not apply.

If you’re someone who has spent years trying to fix your relationship, and have been wondering whether it is time for divorce, doubting yourself or mustering up the courage to separate – reach out to me.

There are different ways of working with me, from one-off sessions to longer-term 1-2-1 work and I would be happy to chat to see what suits you best.

With love
Ena